As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
The year 2021 started off with anticipation that the lockdown and isolation would begin to let up as the vaccines became available. With a year of our lives devoted to fighting to stay healthy by staying home, avoiding family and friends, cancelling trips, wearing masks that fog up my glasses, standing six feet apart in the grocery line, I’m ready to be done and have great hope that that the vaccine will provide the immunity we all desperately need. I know that this is a once in a generation pandemic but I just wish it wasn’t my generation.
Yet, the changes we have become accustomed to had a new dimension added when in early January, I noticed the vision in my left eye began disappearing as the day progressed. I had just had my monthly shots for wet Age-related Macular Degeneration (AMD) three days earlier. I’ve been receiving these shots for three years with no problems, but this was scary. I called my Retinologist who had me come in immediately. He diagnosed an infection in the vitreous fluid of the eye and gave me shots of an antibiotic and a steroid and withdrew some fluid for testing. Wonderful friends were outside the waiting room ready to drive me home (along with my car.) And so began a routine of doctor’s appointments and scans every three to four days.
What if my vision never returned?
What if I couldn’t drive?
What if I couldn’t read?
Fear can easily take hold and with it the hope needed to get through each day is harder and harder to grasp. Normally, a strong and brave person (Enneagram 8), I decided I couldn’t do this on my own, but I was hesitant to share my need. As I prayed for wisdom, I felt like God told me to share it on Facebook so that we could all share in His glory for what He would do. It was the best decision because people all over this country, from all parts of my life, joined me in this battle through prayer. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I read the comments. I was just one person in a world of very needy people but love was being showered on me.
Even if my vision never returned…
Even if I couldn’t drive…
Even if I couldn’t read…
Yet, I will have hope and praise Him. I know that God has a plan for me and it is good. He calls me to be faithful…He will do the rest. But I know God has something up His sleeve because for eight months the doctor has been battling a cyst of fluid in the macula of this same eye with extra shots to treat the problem, all to no avail. It affected my center vision. I asked him if the steroid had helped and he commented that it may have made the difference. A friend wrote to me and said, “Isn’t it just like God to give you better vision than you had before?” All I could do was chuckle.
It has been five weeks since that first scary appointment and the vision is clearing. I wake up each morning to see if it is better and the clouded section is getting smaller and smaller. I may even be able to see the eye chart next week.
I don’t have to worry about the “what if” or” even if,” because I know that God is with me, has a plan for me, will heal me, and give me exactly what is best. I have been well loved by friends, amazed at those who continue to pray for me. It has made all the difference.